Little Creations

When I heard about button books, I had to try one myself.

As long as I can remember, I've been making things. When I was really young, I got in trouble for taking a special fabric my mom was saving and making it into a cape for myself by adding a button and (more destructively) a buttonhole.

My elementary school had sewing class on Friday afternoons. I cried when I got to grade 3 and they changed the starting age to grade 4. In grade 4, I spent the entire school year knitting a dark blue scarf in a knit 3, purl 3 pattern. (IYKYK) Even that boring start didn't deter me.

Since then, I have knit all manner of things and sewn clothing and quilts, while dabbling in whatever other creative pursuits caught my attention or were needed for something I wanted to make.

I rarely make a detailed plan for a project from beginning to end. Needless to say, many items are quite different when finished than when I first conceive of them. In other cases, I have a plan, but the object "insists" on a different path.

Whether the project "behaves" or is stubbornly disagreeable, I have a fondness for the final item that I don't have for something I've purchased. I don't really mind if it's a little wonky or if it doesn't quite work as well as it could. I have a soft spot for it.

And if someone makes an unkind remark or a critical comment, it hurts! I have learned to have some emotional separation from my work, but it still hits personally. Somehow my identity is connected to that object. It represents a part of me.

A few years ago, my church was studying the book of James, with suggested practices for each day of the week. I was making a junk journal as I did them, incorporating art-making into the experience. During one of those practices, I found myself asking God, “Why am I here on this earth?” and finally, “Why did you even make me?” And I got the words, “Because I wanted to.”

And it clicked. I was God's creation just like anything I made was my creation. I didn't have to serve a purpose. I didn't have to work exactly as intended. God has a soft spot for me.

Relating to God as Creator has become my primary metaphor. Whenever I need it, I remember those words "Because I wanted to", and I can bring to mind that tenderness I have for my creations. It reminds me that God has the same tenderness for me.

And for you too.